Wednesday, December 07, 2005
click to view post: i hate myself for wad i did....

it was like 2 months back when i planned to get gina that particular gift le..she didn't put it as one of her wish list item but i knew she wanted a pair of levis jeans badly..it was her dream since i met her to have her own pair of levis jeans..her sis has one but she has to go through hell before she evens gets to wear it on..everytime that happens, my heart aches..so we went trying a couple of jeans before deciding on the 599 pair..i sort of like the cutting too..it suited her perfectly..thus i paid for it and never have i seen her so happy upon getting a gift..somehow..deep in my heart, it was a gift i felt really proud of..

but sadly..when we went back to her house, gina's big sister started screaming her lungs out at gina darling..the true colours of jeanie was finally out right before me..all because gina tried on her sis's levis..if u could imagine wad will happen if she tries wearing it OUT..gosh..i won't wanna be around to hear it..next thing we knew, gina's mum came out and commented on the gift i bought for my darling..her comments were like questioning me why i WASTED my money..and why am i that rich blah blah..i knew she meant it as a joke..but i didn't know how to reply her..it's not just any gift, but it's a gift that gina really wanted and needed..should i say it was because jeanie didn't wanna lend her younger sis her pair of levis when jeanie was right infront of me? oh well, i couldn't bring myself to say it..i simply kept quiet..

that night..i was so stressed up..it was not because of the comments made by gina's mum..instead, i had a project due today at 10am and yet it wasn't even started at 11pm last night..got a call from gina darling around that time telling me about her mum scolding her when she intend to buy me an ipod nano in return for our 7 months anniversary..i planned to split the cost with her and she agreed after much persuasion by me.. for some reason, i heard wad her mum commented the second time and i just got pissed off..i bought the gift, why scold gina? yes, she meant it as a joke..but she told gina to tell me dun waste on her(gina)..doesn't she know that jeanie has been screaming at her daughter just because of a pair of levis jeans?yes, i'm not at all rich..i even have to work weekends just to cover my allowance..but i still know how to save money for getting the things i want whether it's a gift or for myself..isn't it better if gina now has a pair of jeans to call her own?

sigh..soon after getting pissed, the project came into my mind and added to the stress..i was so tired that day after being out the whole day and i blew my anger at my baby, gina..it all happened when i started chatting online with her and giving her attitude..i dunno why but i just didn't wanna start on my project at that time..until a point when i just told her i wanted to sleep and she said she'll wake me up 45mins later to go the project..45 mins passed and she called me..she was still online and even sent me a power point presentation project(something similar to wad i had to do)..i was speechless and thanked her..i dun really remember wad happened but i guess i still had the moody feeling..in the end, i started doing the project around 3am after chasing her back to sleep very abruptly..

the next morning i felt really really guilty..for the first time in our 7 months relationship i actually threw temper at her for nothing..it wasn't her fault i didn't do the project, i wasn't her fault her mum scolded her and most importantly, it wasn't her responsibility to help me with my project..
first thing i did when i woke up, i sent her a msg to apologise..yet, she wasn't at all angry with me instead she was very understanding..she knew i was moody that's why..aww man..i felt so bad to have her try to help me out in my project while i was sleeping for that 45mins..
this silly gal of mine stood by me even after being shown attitude and temper by me..

all i can say now is, dear, i really regretted treating u that way..sorry, i knew wad i did wrong and i promise never to do that again..i guess this wad others say about stress-management..when too many things come into ur mind at the same time and u dun manage them, u'll burst..i hope u'll accept my most sincere apology for the incident with the card and pocky biscuit i placed at ur doorstep..i'll never forget wad u did for me that night, the project especially with the last slide..

sometimes i seriously wonder..wad great things did i do in my past life to get a caring and understanding girl like u to be my girlfriend?i'm so blessed..
i love u always..Mu Ah..=)

harney signing off~
palace built on love ♥ 1:00 AM